You There! You With The Face!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Here goes then, an attempt at regular updating

Using the little dashboard thingy on my MBP, now I bring it to work every day and hook it upto my phone, I have no excuse about not updating anymore.

So it's snowing again, it's really really cocking snowing. It's miserable, it's cold, and I don't actually know why I'm complaining cos I don't tend to actually see daylight very often anyway. Cooped up as I am in the situational purgatory that is the arrivals hall of Heathrow Airport.

Imagine being Tom Hanks in that film, but without his forehead, and instead of living in the airport, just being there, all the time, serving people lattes. Just imagine it.

Now imagine this, but with a prerecorded security announcement, every 5 minutes without fail. It is not just one announcement, it is in fact five, piggybacked on top of one and another, badly audiocropped and formulated in such a way that if you have to listen to it for 10 hours it WILL drive you slightly loopy.

I'm fairly sure the sounds of the airport are designed specifically to act as a neurodegenerative, to slowly but surely whittle away the sanity of any airport worker unfortunately born with ears.

To accompany the sound of the well spoken yet inherently dull man, is the sound of the adjacent games arcade. Now everything in this arcade is well behaved, peaceful but for the occasional sound of someone winning things. Except for the grabber machine.

Now the grabber machine is blessed with a soundbyte to alert you to its selfish presence. A High School Musical styled 1 2 3 4 'ahhhhahahahhhhh', it reads like a maniac, but it sounds like the start of a musical number.

It does this EVERY MINUTE. It is also sat next to a kiddies machine, it's a taxi.. every so often (thankfully not every minute) it goes TAXI. Should a kid go in it, it spouts random cockney cabby phrases. 'OI! NEARLY 'AD YA THEN!' and suchlike.

One day I'm going to drive that taxi right into that bloody grabber machine. Then they'll be sorry.

I'd write more but I seem to have ranted off my laptop screen. Oops.

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